i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
