Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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