I'm gonna have a badass scar
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
