he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just tell him i said nine months
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
A+ Viking dick
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
