I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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