I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We have started to decorate penises.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
