Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I need to calm my uterus...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
