I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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