wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
