So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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