That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize