i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
