I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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