His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
