I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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