I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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