I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
