home. puking in laundry basket.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize