Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
