I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize