Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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