nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
