i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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