so that wasnt chicken after all
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
