Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
