so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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