are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
