i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
