he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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