How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So vagazzling was a success
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize