When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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