it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
