You're so nebulous sometimes
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Come share oat with me in your robe
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
