He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize