i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
