Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
another moral hangover. fuck.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
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