i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My ass is underappreciated
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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