I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
