i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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