Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
