All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
