hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
