Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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