Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
