and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
