so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize