farters have to be the big spoon...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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