It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
