he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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