Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
