Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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