Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
