i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
