just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
