i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
