Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
