God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
