you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
