drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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