she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
