FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
