He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize