thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
