Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
