Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
