at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
