I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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