My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
