did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
