is your mom at the bar?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
