Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
