Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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