The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
