This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
