If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
