Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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