Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
