I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
