I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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