hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
