I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
