like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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