two words: eviction party
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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