I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
