I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
