Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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