Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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