You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
