He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
