You're my little dorito
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
