its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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