When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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