OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
