Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
