I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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