I'm so fucking centered right now
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
