Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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