How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
