i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
