The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We're too hungover to prance.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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