He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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