Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
