He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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