Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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