"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
