In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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