I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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