I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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