I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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