I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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