We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am midnight drunk by noon
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize