physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
