6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
