I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
