i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
