I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize